CM - WTF? - Gregory Bergman and Anthony W. Haddad

The book is titled "WTF? How to Survive 101 of Life's Worst F*#!-ing Situations". I was immediately intrigued. It was decent variety of situations, I could count quite a few I've already experienced. They varied from "You forget where you parked" to "Your girlfriend gives you herpes." Although I frequently forget where I've parked, I can't say my girlfriend has ever given me herpes...but if that situation should ever prevent itself I guess I'm prepared.

This book gives you options that are occasionally offensive, sometimes illegal, certainly inventive, and always hilarious. Although I wouldn't buy it as an actual self-help guide...only a dum-dum would, it was pretty funny. I especially liked the things to say to get telemarketers to stop calling, I'll have to try some of those. Although the book didn't suggest this option, I find it works well. Ask the telemarketer for their home number. When they reply with some lame "company policy prohibits me from giving my home number out", say that you understand, most people don't want complete strangers bothering them at home. Wait 10 seconds for it to sink in.

Anyways, all in a all, it was a funny read.

Ratings:
I'll give it a A-

CM - The Heroin Diaries - Nikki Sixx

Born Frank Feranna, Nikki Sixx moved to LA at 17 and in 1981 became the bassist/songwriter for Motley Crue. His book, the Heroin Diaries is a compilation of journal entries he wrote while he self-destructed on a concoction of alcohol, cocaine, pills, acid, and his poison of choice, heroin. “Alcohol, acid, cocaine…they were just love affairs. When I met heroin, it was true love.” – Nikki Sixx

The reasoning behind the book? I’ll quote Nikki Sixx “Someone asked me why I was writing this book and I said, maybe one person will read it and it will help them. They said, that’s not very rock ‘n’ roll is it? I said, fuck off and smirked because I know it’s the most rock ‘n’ rock thing about me – doing what I wanna do in life.”

With more money than he could spend, Nikki Sixx put most of his resources up his arm. He spent years in a state of paranoia hiding in his closet with his drug paraphernalia and guns. The journal gives you a look at his childhood, his relationship with his mom, sister, etc. It also gives you a preview of his lifestyle in Motley Crue. Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, no surprise there.

Kudos to Nikki Sixx for having the courage to face his demons in a very public manner. The critics and reviews promised a raw look at “one of the most unique memoirs of addiction ever published.” I wouldn’t have gone that far. Although it was a good read, you can only read about getting high so many times until it gets monotonous and slightly repetitive. It was interesting to read the opinions of the people who surrounded Sixx and knew him. He was rather ballsy when he asked the co-author Ian Gittins to get the other sides of the story and Sixx wanted all the insults and atrocities itemized in the book- no editing.

As a bonus, almost every page of the book was decorated and animated in a way that made it easier to read. Some of the drawings and quotes were intriguing.

Ratings: I give it a B+

KM- The Long Hard Road Out of Hell- Marilyn Manson with Neil Strauss

This was an amazing account of one of the most controversial artists of our time's life, from an awkward child attending Catholic school to a minister in the Church of Satan. From drugs, sex, and rock and roll, you hear of his firsts in everything.

I know most people are thinking "Oh. Manson. Nah, I wouldn't be interested." Or even worse, are judgemental characters that throw out accusations that he worships Satan without knowing his story. Once you read this, whether or not you like or hate him, you will have a whole new perspective of him.

Some of the best anecdotes he writes about in this were: exploring his grandfather's forbidden basement; how he got his band together (Twiggy Ramirez [whiskey and speed!!!], etc.) and how he came up with the concept of their names; his first acid trip; touring with Trent Reznor, encountering Courtney Love, etc... The high points, the low points, they're all great!

Overall, I think this was a great read. I wouldn't recommend it for the faint of heart, because there are times when things he and his friends do are pretty much debasing to other people, but it's interesting nonetheless.

Thanks Coran =D

Ratings:
A++

CM - You Suck - Christopher Moore

This was the first I've read from Christopher Moore, the title jumped at me from the bargain section in Waldenbooks. I must admit that I had to keep reading sentences over and over again to make sure I was reading them right, that started upon my reading the first sentence of the book "You bitch, you killed me, you suck!"

Anyways...the book was about Tommy Flood and his girlfriend...the bitch that killed him...or not really killed him just turned him into a vampire, Jody. Christopher Moore wrote the book in such a way that you had to keep reading...not in a suspenseful way but more like humor to me.

Throw in a Las Vegas call girl that is literally dyed blue, a clan of turkey-bowling vampire hunters, a minion named "Abby Normal", and a homeless guy that has a sign that reads "I am poor, and my cat is huge"...later changed to "I am poor and someone shaved my huge cat"....don't ask, I can't explain, you'd have to experience this one for yourself. I'd recommened it to anyone with a twisted, non-conformist sense of humor.

For example, one of my favorite quotes of the whole book:
Tommy: I bet it smells like peppermint...
Jody: What?
Tommy: Elf sex.
Tommy: Or maybe cinnamon...yeah that's it, cinnamon.

Ratings: I give it an A for an abundance of random-ness and for making me laugh

CM - Sundays at Tiffany's - James Patterson

I guess writers go through phases; James Patterson apparently had his "romantic" phase and wrote Sundays at Tiffany's, Sam's Letters to Jennifer, and Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas. All are un-related but similiar in tone, mood, and theme.

Sundays at Tiffany's was about a little girl named Jane. She's lonely because her mother is a Broadway producer and makes time for her only to take her on their Sunday trip to admire jewelry at Tiffany's, or to criticize literally almost every facet of this child. Jane has only one friend: a handsome, comforting, funny man named Michael. Only Jane can see him.

On Jane's 9th birthday Michael has to break her heart after her mother already forgot about her birthday. He was there to help until she was old enough to manage and then had to go help other kids who needed him. He leaves on her birthday and promises that she'll forget about him soon enough, that's how it always happened.

Or so they thought. Years later, Jane is in her thirties and still wrestling with her overbearing mother, not to mention a real jackass of a boyfriend. When one day out of the blue, she sees her imaginary friend from when she was 8 years old. Same impossibly green eyes...but how? Why? Is she just stark crazy?

Although he may have been going through a phase, James Patterson didn't completely change genres on us, you can still taste a hint and twist of suspense. The overall plot was a bit funky, but all in all, it was a good read. Didn't turn out like I expected, but at least it didn't reek of "happily ever after" OR "what a tragedy I wish I never read it"...but you'll just have to form your own opinions.

Ratings:
Overall: I give it a B+

KM- The Funhouse - Dean Koontz

Years after leaving the carnival, her hated first husband, and the child she could never love, Ellen has a new life, a new husband, and two beautiful children, but now the carnival is coming back to town, and Ellen is going to have to pay for her sins.

This was yet another interesting Koontz read, although it wasn't quite what I expected. The description given on the inner page was quite misleading. It was more along the lines of "Ellen's children are going to have to pay for her sins". The above description was taken from amazon.com's description, yet the one on the book says about the same thing, except it focuses more on the fact that her teenage daughter is pregnant, which is actually only a minor detail in the story.

This was one of Koontz's earlier works, written in 1980, yet even 28 years ago, you could see a little of Koontz's current style shining through. It was originally written under his pen name, Owen West. Overall, it was a pretty interesting read. I believe the fact that it was one of his earlier works actually intensifies the "I have to know what happens!!" mindframe while reading it, since you're even more curious due to the fact that it's not quite what we're used to from him. But over all, it was a very good read.

RATINGS
Characters: 4.5/5
Plot: 4.5/5
Interest Level: 5/5
Overall: 93/A

KM- 1st To Die- James Pattesron

A serial killer is stalking and murdering newlyweds on their honeymoon. San Francisco Homicide inspector Lindsay Boxer takes the case and along the way meets three other women–a lawyer, a reporter, and the city medical examiner. Joining forces to solve this gruesome crime, the Women's Murder Club is born.

Ok, this one, I was skeptical about. I got the series up to the 5th one for Christmas last year, and I've finally gotten around to reading it. I was shocked. It's classic Patterson in the sense that it's made of 1-2 page chapters, which definitely does make his books slightly easier to read, although it's annoying at the same time.
I was instantly intrigued with Lindsay Boxer as a character, and she had a great backstory. I like how the others characters where gradually brought in and revealed with their connections, and the club they've formed is a great concept. They're friends who work in the justice field, one a homicide inspector, one a medical examiner, one a reporter, and the other is a district attorney. They're strong women working in dominantly male fields. They meet up together to discuss aspects of the case, showing that 2 heads (or 4..) heads are better than one.
I'm actually looking forward to the next one in this series.

Ratings:
Characters: 5/5
Plot: 4.8/5
Interest Level: 4.5/5
Overall: 95/A

KM- Just After Sunset - Stephen King

This was King at his finest. While reading the stories you feel as though some details are left out, but when you finish them, it's comparable to a light bulb going off and everything falling together. Willa, about a young woman and her fellow travelers at an Amtrak station, and N., about a psychiatric patient who has to hold the world together, were my favorites.

I can't really say too much about it, since I really don't want to ruin it, but this was AMAZING. King showed his most twisted, cryptic, insightful works yet, and it will blow you away!

Ratings:
Screw all that, it gets an A+++

CM - The Rescue - Nicholas Sparks

This one was on the top 5 favorite Sparks books, right up there with The Guardian and The Bend in the Road. This one was about a volunteer firefighter named Taylor McAden. When confronted by raging fires or deadly accidents, Taylor takes risks that no one else in the department dared to take. He does whatever he can to save a live. But there's one risk that Taylor can't bring himself to take. He can't fall in love.

For all of his adult life, Taylor has dated women who need to be rescued, and once their crisis is over, he gets bored and leaves. The one day, a raging record breaking storm hits his small southern town. Denise Holton, a young single mother is driving through it when he car skids off the road with her four year old son in tow. What aggravates the circumstances is that Kyle, her son, has severe learning disabilities. Who comes to her rescue? None other than local hero, Taylor McAden.

Both are stricken with terror when they realize that Kyle is no where to be found after the accident. During the search for Kyle, the connection between Taylor and Denise takes root. Taylor doesn't know that this rescue will be different from all the others, demanding much more than physical courage.

Absolutely recommend this one. Nicholas Sparks provokes you to continue through his spellbinding story lines until the very end.

P.S.! Kayla I know you aren't a fan of Sparks, but since I did talk you into reading the Guardian and you liked it, I am recommending that you read this one too. Especially since it's about a volunteer firefighter, you should relate easily. I think you'll like this one.

Ratings:
I give it an A, to no one's surpise

CM - Toxic Parents - Dr. Susan Forward

As the profile says, I'll read just about anything. Normally, I'm not into the self-help books as most are particularly lacking in inspiration and I usually end up reading a few chapters before I toss it aside. This one I was surprised. I didn't toss it aside as I normally would have, and it didn't reek with the normal "self-help" weirdo type of feel. I found it to be hard-hitting and pretty damn exact.

The book is broken into parts. It asks you a series of questions that you are to answer on your own. Your own answers will surprise you. Then it tells you some short stories of other people that will pretty much make your stomach flip flop. It gives you a list of "who are toxic parents" and categorizes the inadequate, the controllers, the alcoholics, the verbal abusers, the physical abusers, and my personal vote for 1st in line to the electric chair, the sexual abusers. Each category has their own chapters and I think just identifying what type of parents you have is a tremendous step to reclaiming your own identity.

Definitely recommend this book for anyone who has had trying times with their parents and even for those who don't. I must admit I'm a sucker for hearing other people's life stories, I find it so interesting, even if it does rip your heart out sometimes, as it did in some of these stories. It's not a "I hate my parents" "My childhood sucked waaah me" book. It was actually very insightful. Also, this book is pretty much all ages. There are stories of the burdens of caring for elderly parents as well as stories to relate to if you are still living with your parents. We all have parents, and at some time, we all need some help/perspectives for dealing with them.

Ratings:
Overall, I give it an A, very insightful, worth reading

CM - The Choice - Nicholas Sparks

This was a good one. As usual, I'm pleased with the way Nicholas Sparks captures and entertains. This one was about a man named Travis Parker (not Barker!) He has everything a man could want, a good job as a vet, loyal friends, and a waterfront home in a small town in North Carolina. He swims, goes boating with his friends, and barbecues. He holds the vague conviction that a serious relationship would cramp his "bachelor" style. That is until his new neighbor, Gabby Holland moves in.

Despite his attempts to be cordial, the redhead nextdoor seems to have a grudge against him. Classic love/hate relationship. Still, Travis tries to ingratiate himself with his new neighbor. His persistence leads them on a journey neither expected. I won't spoil it, but The Choice ultimately confronts readers with a heart wrenching question...How far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?

Recommend it! Although it wasn't the best of the best of Spark's novels, it wasn't a bad read at all.

Ratings: Characters: 4/5
Plot: 4/5
Interest level: 4/5
Overall rating: I'll give it a A-

CM - Untamed - P.C. Cast

Untamed is the 4th (but not final!) book in the House of Night series. Zoey finds out that life sucks when all your friends are pissed at you. In one week she went from having three boyfriends to none and from having a close knit group of friends who trusted her to being an outcast like she was before she came to the House of Night. Her advisor Neferet has declared war on humans, and Zoey knows that catastrophic events are about to come her way. Zoey's adventures take wild and dangerous turns as loyalities are tested, shocking true intentions come to light, and an ancient evil is awakened.

This was by far the best book in the series. The only bad thing I could possibly think of to say is that I'm horribly disappointed that I have to wait until March 2009 for the 5th book in the series, "Hunted" to find out what happens to Zoey and her friends. Well people, you've just found my achilles...I hate to wait and I just HAVE to know what happens, always. I can't say why I'm so eager to read the 5th book without giving too much away...but if you haven't started this series, it's definitely worth what you pay for it.

Ratings: I give it an A+ and a dirty look for making me wait impatiently for the 5th one

CM - Chosen - P.C. Cast

Chosen is the 3rd House of Night series book. Zoey's adventures at the House of Night take a mysterious turn or two. Those who appear to be friends are turning out to be her enemies and oddly enough, sworn enemies are turning into friends. Zoey has to figure out how to help her best friend Stevie Rae who is struggling to maintain her grip on humanity while Zoey scrambles to utilize her powers to find a solution. Trust has become a rare commodity at the House of Night and Zoey finds herself keeping secrets from nearly everyone.

Zoey finds herself juggling three boyfriends...one being a teacher at the House of Night. Then vampires start turning up dead and a war with the human race is brought up. Zoey starts to find out the hard way that things are definitely not always what they seem. Definitely worth reading, by this point in the series, you find yourself engulfed and unable to explain why.

Ratings:
I give it an A

CM - Betrayed - P.C. Cast

This is the 2nd book in the "House of Night" series by P.C. and Kristen Cast. By the time you get to this book, Zoey Redbird has settled in at the House of Night. She is chosen as the leader of the elite Dark Daughters and starts to realize her own powers. She even has a boyfriend or two. Then human teenagers that Zoey once went to school with start to be abducted and killed and all the evidence is pointing to the vamps at the House of Night. Then, when Zoey needs her friends the most, death strikes the House of Night and Zoey must find the courage to face a betrayal (hence the title) that could break her heart, her soul, and jeopardize the very fabric of her world.
I don't want to give away too much of the book, but this book picked up more so than the first book. Worth reading.

Ratings:
I give it an A-

CM - The Nymphos of Rocky Flats - Mario Acevedo

I'm soooo mad at my book club for recommending me this one. I know, I know, I should have read the title and known better, but it was on special for 20 cents, and I want my 20 cents back!!

Alright, so the book actually had a potentially good plot. Felix was an Iraq soldier who's platoon accidentally killed what they though was four insurgents but turned out to be a family of four including a 12 yr old girl. An encounter in Iraq give Felix the gift/curse of immortality as the undead. Even I must admit that the first few chapters were pretty good. Back home in the states, Felix is still affected and is trying to pay penance for his war-time sins. The former infantryman works as a detective and is asked to investigate a case at a government facility in Rocky Flats, Colorado. Sounds like a decent read right? Not.

I feel no remorse for spoiling the end to this garbage. I'm still pissed that I wasted two hours of my time reading this waste of paper and ink. Let's just say that little green men and UFO's...not my cup of tea. I don't know why the author went so horribly wrong in the last 7 or so chapters. It turns out that there's some weird chemical from a UFO that was part of a government cover-up conspiracy that turns the people in Rocky Flats into nymphomaniacs because of alien invasion. Yeah....anyways, the proceeding ratings should be of no surprise to anyone. I want a refund! Damn you book club!

Characters: 2/5
Plot: COULD have been a 4/5, but thanks to the ending, 1/5
Interest rating: None. Zip, zero, nil.
Overall rating: Refer to the finger I'm giving my book club and the author

KM- I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell- Tucker Max

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.
I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.
But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world.

This book was hilarity at it's finest. I found the website because of a friend of mine, and soon read all of the stories featured on tuckermax.com. Then, I set out to find the book. Most of the stories featured in the book are also on his website, but there are some extras thrown in. It's definitely worth the $13 I paid for it. Tucker Max was a student at Duke School of Law, and it's a telling of his drunken nights and one-night stands. This man has the sort of life you can't even imagine. It seems that even on an average day, hilarity ensues. The best part of it is, it's all true.

This book is definitely not for the easily offended. He sleeps with random women, gets drunk and is generally disrespectful of all other people, but if you're not easily offended, this could very well be some of the funniest stories you will ever hear.

Rating:
Characters: 5/5 Absolutely love his friend, Drunkasaurus Rex!
Plot: N/A It's a collection of stories, but it gets the highest rating for a collection
Interest Level: 5/5
OVERALL: 100/A+++

KM- Odd Thomas- Dean Koontz

"The dead don't talk. I don't know why." But they do try to communicate, with a short-order cook in a small desert town serving as their reluctant confidant. Odd Thomas thinks of himself as an ordinary guy, if possessed of a certain measure of talent at the Pico Mundo Grill and rapturously in love with the most beautiful girl in the world, Stormy Llewellyn. Maybe he has a gift, maybe it's a curse, Odd has never been sure, but he tries to do his best by the silent souls who seek him out. Sometimes they want justice, and Odd's otherworldly tips to Pico Mundo's sympathetic police chief, Wyatt Porter, can solve a crime. Occasionally they can prevent one. But this time it's different. A mysterious man comes to town with a voracious appetite, a filing cabinet stuffed with information on the world's worst killers, and a pack of hyena-like shades following him wherever he goes. Who the man is and what he wants, not even Odd's deceased informants can tell him. His most ominous clue is a page ripped from a day-by-day calendar for August 15.
Today is August 14. In less than twenty-four hours, Pico Mundo will awaken to a day of catastrophe. As evil coils under the searing desert sun, Odd travels through the shifting prisms of his world, struggling to avert a looming cataclysm with the aid of his soul mate and an unlikely community of allies that includes the King of Rock 'n' Roll. His account of two shattering days when past and present, fate and destiny converge is the stuff of our worst nightmares-and a testament by which to live: sanely if not safely, with courage, humor, and a full heart that even in the darkness must persevere.

This was a mind-blowing work from Dean Koontz. It is one of the few books that actually brought a tear to my eye at some parts. The heroic young man is faced with so many challenges, and yet he perseveres. The story instantly captures your attention from the opening page with a humble introduction from the main character. As the action progresses, you'll be gripping the book in white-knuckled anticipation, sighing with relief, and smiling at the beauty of the story.

I would recommend this book to anyone who loves a good story about an everyday hero with a bit of a supernatural gift. It deals with the most basic of moral questions, how much evil is there really in an average human? How strong is the power of love? What can you go through and still have faith in humanity?

RATINGS
Characters: 5/5
Plot: 5/5
Interest Level: 5/5
Overall: 100/A for lack of anything higher.

KM- Twilight- THE MOVIE

I guess I will start this one by saying: DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

This movie was similar to the books only in a few moments of dialog, the fact that the Cullens were vampires, and that Bella and Edward loved each other. The events were somewhat similar, but where in the books did Edward say something as stupid as "You can google it." WHAT?! No.

I know most people are thinking, "You knew it wouldn't be identical to the book." Yes, I did. I prepared myself for that. What I did NOT prepare myself for was that they were going to take what could have been the best movie of the YEAR, and ruin it with mediocre acting, forced lines, and overall terrible settings. I was so disappointed by this that I felt as though I'd lost a friend. Not to mention the fact that I was in a theater full of teenage girls who squealed every time Edward came on the screen.

I guess the best way to put it is, IF you HAVE NOT read the book, the movie may pass as a semi-decent film. If you HAVE read the book, the movie will be nothing but a massacre to your senses and a way to ruin a great story.

And just a p.s.: THEY RUINED JASPER.

RATINGS
Acting: 2/5
Character Portrayal: 2/5
Similarities: 3/5
Overall: 47/F

CM - Dear John - Nicholas Sparks

This book is a story about an angry rebel named John Tyree who enlisted in the army after high school because he didn't know what else to do. Then, during a furlough, he meets Savannah Lynn Curtis, the girl of his dreams. She is in North Carolina attending college and working for Habitat for Humanity and is completely unprepared for her feelings for John Tyree.

The attraction is mutual and quickly grows into the kind of love that makes Savannah vow to wait for John while he finishes his tour of duty, and John is ready to settle down with the woman that captured his heart. Neither one of them can foresee that 9/11 is about to change the world and that single day forces John to risk every dream he's ever had. Like so many soldiers, John is forced to choose between love and his devotion to the country. And like so many left behind, Savannah has to decide whether to wait for John or move on.

This one was a good read, but then again I am never disappointed when I finish a Sparks novel.

Ratings:
Characters: 4/5
Plot: 4/5
Interest level: 5/5
Overall rating: 4.5/5

CM - Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer

Breaking Dawn was one of the most anticipated books...ever. Twilight fans across the country were waiting for what seemed like an eternity for August 4th to roll around so they could scramble to the nearest bookstore to get a copy. I went that very day and picked up my copy because I absolutely could not wait to see what unfolded in the end of Edward & Bella's journey.

Well folks, I have to say, this one was not nearly as good of a read as the first 3 books in this series. The story picks up where Eclipse left off and Bella still finds herself torn between her love of Edward and her friendship with Jacob and Victoria is still after her. I don't want to spoil the book, but I will say that Edward and Bella's wedding was in the beginning...followed by some highly illogical events...but anyways, I was personally disappointed. I was not only disappointed that this would be the last book in the series, but the series of events threw me for a loop.

Either way, I've warned before, if you pick up one of these books in the series it is like an addiction. Let's just call it cocaine...you don't start cocaine unless you intend to keep doing cocaine because of it's highly addictive and alluring nature...same thing with the Twilight series. So it's understandable that you go read it even after hearing that it's not the greatest, I did. The book wasn't terrible, it just didn't play out like I would have wanted it to.

Ratings:
Characters: 5/5
Plot: 3/5
Interest Level: 4.5/5
Overall Rating: 3.5/5

CM - Complete Tales & Poems - Edgar Allen Poe

I would recommend this book for any Poe fan. It has all of his short stories and poems including some of my favorites like the Tell Tale Heart, Annabell Lee, The Black Cat, The Raven, and many more. It was a steal at the bookstore for $8.

Ratings:
Differ by story but overall, I give the collection an A. Thought-provoking and written from sheer madness, which makes it all the more interesting.